Monday, December 30, 2013

Worthy Of Love And Belonging

    This week I am revisiting the feeling of "being enough". I'm still spending too much time fishing for worthiness. It takes up valuable "air time" in my head. The if/when list still exists for me even though I understand intellectually that I'm seeking for something that I have, inherently, by being a child of God. Fishing for worthiness outside of my relationship with God is never going to work. My perceptions of what others think make a list that looks like this:

  1. I'll be worthy when I do more for others.
  2. I'll be worthy when I stop thinking of myself.
  3. I'll be worthy if I'm never grouchy.
  4. I'll be worthy if I go to the gym every day.

   This list is as stupid as it sounds. No way will I be able to generate the feeling that I'm worthy because only a divine being has the power to justify my being worthy. Feeling Him and being right by Him comes when I see Him. If I see others through him, I'll do right. It just works that way.

   No love feels as real as His love. Am I finished? No, but I look to find Him everyday.

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