Why has it taken so long for me to embrace it?
For years I have been attracted to giving my whole heart to Heavenly Father. I know that I am scared of that eventuality. Thanks to Brené Brown I am seeing what I need to let go of in order for that to happen. These attributes are connected to my heart with cords that make it hard to connect to Him. Each day I cut a thread loose, is a day I can tie my heart more fully to Him. I will explain them or give a link to where I have explained them previously.
- Let go of numbing and powerlessness. I wrote about this here. I want to be able to say I'm making great progress. My most obvious numbing activities are food and TV. I am no longer able to participate in either activity without asking myself, "Are you numbing some painful aspect of your life?"
- Let go of scarcity and fear of the dark. In the past I operated from a feeling of scarcity. At first the main theme was money. But not enough time, energy, and ability hopped onboard too. I have shared my thoughts about it more fully here. When the resources of life are scarce, the dark is so foreboding. What if things get worse? What if I can't make due? What if? This hopeless mental exercise I call futurizing. It robs me of joy and perspective.
- Let go of comparison. Who hasn't fallen into the comparison trap? We compare our worth, talents, bodies, abilities, even how many followers we have on Instagram. The propensity to compare can and does stop us from sharing. But, not writing, painting, or making music can dam my progression as a person. So, how do I put myself out there without comparing my offerings to the millions of others? One way is to be grateful. I am so grateful to read amazing stories of amazing people. I am so grateful to see so much inspiring artwork. I am so grateful to musicians, past and present, who lift my spirit with their energy
4. Let go of what people think. My mother pointed out to me, years ago, that I was ever so much nicer away from home than I was at home. That stung! She was right. I did care more about what others thought of me than what she thought of me. I won't start on my mother, except to say that she is with me, mostly good and bad, all the time. The ball and chain of comparison gets lighter the older I get. Yet, to give my heart to God I need to cut the cord.
5. Let go of the need for certainty. These last two are in bed together. The "natural woman" in me craves comfort and security. Every time I step out, away from certainty, I feel out of control. I get very tense. I lose my calmness and stillness. I spend time futurizing how I will control the hours until I am back to my comfort zone. I don't have any idea how I will cut this cord.
6. Let go of always needing to be in control. Lastly, I want to say, for the record, that I have at times relinquished control. Nothing bad happened. It wasn't always fun. It never turned out how I imagined it and it never was a disaster. THE END!
In my newest painting I used Paul's words as inspiration. We see through a glass darkly. I glimpse my whole heart in the hands of my Savior. I want to trust Him. I long to be wholly His.