"During the first of the days of unleavened bread, which was on Thursday, some of the Twelve inquired of Jesus where they should make preparations for the paschal meal."
While reading the story of Passover, going into the Garden of Gethsemane, and the betrayal of Jesus into the hands of the Jewish authorities, I marvel at the emotional connection Jesus has in the midst of anxiety ridden events. As I am learning more of wholeheartedness and integrating emotions into our very identity, I look at Jesus as the model of all I desire in wholehearted living. I'll be using some definitions of emotion to make my points.
Anxiety- Uncertainty, overwhelming fear, competing demands on our time, or social discomfort.
There was an awful certainty about what would transpire and I believe a God who can know us completely would be required to feel the emotions of mortality. I believe he felt fear and anxiety but was fully anchored in his sense of belonging and connection to His Father. His resilience was divine.
Resentment- An emotion we experience when we fail to set boundaries, when boundaries are ignored, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can't control, like what others think. what they feel, or how they're going to react.
Surely he felt some resentment towards others who responded awkwardly to him, not fully understanding all that he was offering in this life and in the next. Yet, he responded with patience and love.
To me he fully exemplifies a wholehearted self. His thinking, feeling, and doing were fully integrated.
Heartbreak- More than just a particularly hard form of disappointment or failure. It hurts in an entirely different way because heartbreak is always connected to love and belonging.
I hurt for him because he hurt for me, fully submitting to carry my pain, suffering, lack, evil, and my just plain misfortune. In a desire for me to belong to him and connected to his Father, he knelt in Gethsemane and paid the awful price for justice to be served.
What an astounding day this was for him and for us all. And Friday will come.