Confident

Knit on with confidence and hope through all crises

My learning to knit is my favorite metaphor about learning to have confidence in life. I started knitting with a few skills.

 I loved color. I purchased yarn before for crochet projects. I already enjoyed working with my hands.

I started knitting with a few negative issues.

I freak out when I feel I can't fix something gone wrong. I get confused by written instructions. I want to make something challenging before I have basic skills.

My worst nightmare is dropped stitches. It has taken many months to believe I can pick up a dropped stitch, even one that is deep into the garment.

But, I can. 

I love the look of little cables on a garment. It means holding back a few stitches on a separate small tool. It feels awkward and the small gestures to work with that tool are new and cumbersome. 

But, I can make cables.

I am an improviser. I have a hard time following patterns. My mind seems to be searching for an easier way. I often feel smarter than the designer. 

Not true. I see the necessity of a pattern.

I fear that I won't want to wear what I make. That I will be embarrassed after working on a garment for months and decide to set it aside.

Maybe, but so far the knits I have made are precious and hold within them months of concentration and love by their creator. 

⏬

To gain confidence before the Lord I can use my knitting to show me the way.

⍅Don't fear dropping stitches. He can show me how to pick them up.

⍅I can do hard things with his help.

⍅Follow his pattern. He knows the way.

⍅He loves me because he has sacrificed for me and wears the scars to remind me.

At The Same Time

"Our capacity for wholeheartedness can never be greater than our willingness to be brokenhearted." 

Brené Brown

'Living all in' means being wholehearted to me. The quote above is very sobering. I believe we can't fully feel joy unless we are open to pain. Darn, that gives me a sick feeling even as I write it.

I have a way of shutting down during times of adversity. I choose to feel less so that I can get through the hard times.

But, guess what? You can't turn off feeling during hard times and expect to fully feel during good times.

Living all in means feeling the bads and the goods.

I feel peace in the middle of my pain

I feel trust and hope even though my heart is aching

I can taste the bitter and sweet

Walking where the valley and the mountain meet

There is something so divine 

When pain and grace collide

In the same place, at the same time.

Hilary Weeks

This week I've watched the place where I live blanketed in almost two feet of snow. To some that may seem normal, even mild, but here we don't do snow. We don't own winter boots or snow gear. Very few have a snow shovel. Many don't have a weeks supply of food on their shelves. It has challenged our mood and made us feel helpless.

But, it has been breathtakingly beautiful.

I have felt so frustrated and peaceful, at the same time.

For my friends and acquaintances still without power, I feel their anxiousness. Soon, very soon, all the white will turn to dirty black mud. We will be getting out and about the world with little thought to how peaceful and quiet the world is when everything stops. 

Pacific Northwest Snowacopolypse you have taught me a life lesson. 

Index page for posts about my words in 2019