Perspective

The divisions of Perspective are three;

as used in drawing; of these, the first includes the diminution in size of opaque objects; the second treats of the diminution and loss of outline in such opaque objects; the third, of the diminution and loss of color at long distances.

Leonardo DaVinci

No matter how much I'd like it to be so, my understanding of life is filtered by my perspective and my perspective is not totally accurate. As in drawing, when we paint what we see we discover there are distortions of reality. But our painting shows what we see even when our mind knows that the size of an object in real life is not as it is in our rendering.

Hence we need spiritual revelation. We so desperately need heavenly light to illuminate the truth of all things.

In a world where the truth is distorted by well meaning experts and purposeful deceivers, where can we turn for an accurate perspective?

To Him.

"The spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be;"

Jacob 4:13

Direction

“The only way you're going to reach places you've never gone is if you trust God's direction to do things you've never done.” 

― Germany Kent

I launched myself in a new direction in October. My daughter  asked me to join her in a challenge of giving up flour products and sugar. "For our health," she said, "and because I want you to live a long time."

The spirit whispered she was right. I turned a new direction.

Then October 16, 2020, I felt a hard lump in my breast and another new pathway opened up. After many tests the diagnoses was confirmed, I had Ductal Carcinoma the invasive type. 

   If this makes you turn away, I understand. I couldn't read too much about cancer without feeling vulnerable so I did look the other way. But here I am facing what seemed too hard to see. 
  Giving up flour and sugar was a revelation from God for me. The radiologist, reading my ultrasound, turned to me and said, "You should think about giving up sugar." Cancer loves sugar and I love sugar so both of us had to change direction. Ironically, the same radiologist later claimed she didn't remember giving me that advice. She did however tell me, disappointedly, that the evidence was strong that sugar does increase cancer risk. So I feel like God was giving me a change of direction in a kind way before I had my cancer diagnoses. I was through the craving stage before I had to face my next challenge.
   I am through two surgeries now and perhaps I could say that I'm cancer free. Radiation as secondary insurance is looming ahead but I can testify that God is with me. I also feel the presence of my Heavenly Mother. That might be a foreign concept to many. But I believe I have a Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother and she is as concerned for her spirit children as I am for my mortal children. 
  Changing direction has been difficult and scary but I am feeling hope and seeing myself out of the woods at a later date. I am speaking in the manner of hope and assurance.

Unknown

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I have a medical diagnostic test coming up in a few days, one which I want because I want to know what is unknown at this time. The information could be a slight inconvenience or it could change the course of the next year.

I am afraid of the unknown. I spin stories with different plot lines around in my head everyday. That is taking a toll on my sense of peace. This spinning of stories is a familiar suffering. 

The Holy Spirit assures that things will be fine. A recent blessing gave me strength to endure the tests and trust the outcome. Really I could be grateful for the not knowing while I have it. There is no action to be taken. It is a period of being settled. I could live deeply right now. I could go to the gym and work up a sweat with the joy of being in a body that seems to to healthy, right now.

The unknown will reveal itself and then a plan will be hatched.

But it will also include going to the gym and working up a sweat and enjoying a body that can work up enough heat to get rid of some toxins whether they be life threatening or not.

LIVE ALL IN 

I'm writing a series on a preparing a calm Christmas. Click here to see.

I'm also exploring the notion that you can increase your will power. Click here.

Settle

Settle down, settle up, settle around, whatever you do, just settle. 

There is a place to settle with equanimity. It is a place with God's grace.

I know I am there when I am not pushing against nor clutching on.

It is a place where I can feel whole for a minute, for an hour, or even a day. 

It is a place I can settle in.

Last

The last fragments of summer dissolve in the Autumn rain.

While there are some things I definitely want to come to an end, there are many others I mourn. I mourn the falling of leaves as they reveal the skeleton branches beneath. I mourn the the sun waiting so long to rise in the mornings. I mourn the daylight snuffed out so early in the evening.

The word last, gives me the feeling of endings. But nature teaches me that nothing really ends. Mortal life is a cycle and some stages of the cycle are more energizing than others. I think what I learn from the months of darkness is to be still. Stop resisting. Allow this phase of the cycle to offer it's gracious hospitality. Candlelight, deeper, mustier smells, and sounds of the wind rushing through bare branches.

It isn't the last time to experience these sensory delights, but it is what God has given right now.

Hospitality

“Hospitality means primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life

In a world where we meet many differing opinions on a daily basis coming into a hospitable environment where there is space to come to understanding is wonderful.

Recently at a family reunion I watched as my brother gently and carefully opened up his home to 60+ family members with so many differing opinions, religious views, and political leanings.

He captured us by telling stories of our ancestors. The stories were bittersweet, with strong emotion. When he had to wait for his own emotion to pass and then keep going, I looked around the large room. Teenagers were enthralled. Adults were wiping away tears, and little children cuddled up extra close to their parents. By inviting us into his home, feeding us with countless dishes, and by showing us his vulnerability, he exhibited the hospitality I yearn to emulate. Everyone left their dividing opinions at the door.

Practice

My progress on the piano and my motivation to practice increased dramatically when I caught a vision of my potential. 

Sheri L. Dew 

As a piano teacher you might guess that this word is often spoken at my house. 

It is.

I was told at age 8 that I would be serving others with my music the rest of my life. At that time that pronouncement sounded silly. I could barely play with two hands and I didn't like to practice.

            

But 57 years later I am at the piano everyday. I still have to practice when I am playing for others. The above video required going into the studio with many retakes. I was part of a team trying to share this inspirational message. 

There is peace in practice. 

The peace I am talking about has to do with enough repetition to put the learning into our body. It is never enough to know something with our mind. Knowing with our heart is certainly another step forward. But, knowing something inside our muscles and sinews, that is a deep knowing. We get that from practice. 

Opportunity

Today is our 45th Anniversary

So, I'm taking the opportunity to write about marriage. 

I was an optimistic, idealistic, naive girl when I got married. Not earth shattering news, at 21 years old we are all of those things. I wanted someone I could talk to about everything. 

What I hadn't considered fully was that although we could talk about everything we didn't necessarily see through the same lenses.

Luckily I married someone who gave much attention to how he viewed the world. He thought through his decisions carefully and then committed to those views. 

On the other hand, I vacillated more about what I thought and felt. I changed my mind frequently. He was patient with that because his North Star was always in view.

In 45 years we have communicated everyday and of course disagreed often. There are some views that I just can't understand. Those topics come up for review often. 

He has never tried to manipulate me or squash my interest in something. He supports the things I love even when he has less interest. 

  As I went through pictures this morning I realized that I haven't taken enough of us alone together. There are individual shots and so many shots with us and a child or grandchild. 

  Today I honor the two of us and our covenant to love each other because God gifted us the opportunity to be one before him and with him.

Lack

What lack I yet?

The Easter story is unfolding again during these coming days. As I read the scriptures I am drawn to observing the reactions  of those around him-during Passover, in the garden, those who interact with Jesus during his interrogations, the road to Calvary. I notice the things they lack-commitment, desire, understanding, love.

Perhaps I see those things because I feel the lack of deeper love for Him. I decided this morning to stop fighting that empty feeling. It is appropriate to recognize and be with that realization. I see the light. It's coming from the East. There will be a resurrection and it will invite me to rise up with more faith. 

With

With Wondering Awe

I can't believe it was 21 days ago that we started this month of expectations and celebrations. This has been a month of some sadnesses. Nothing life changing. Nonetheless, I have cried a bit that I couldn't make Christmas magical enough for those I love. I am under the delusion that what I do makes a big difference. So, with wondering awe I am brought to my knees, again, to realize that the only being who makes a monumental difference is Jesus Christ.

If I haven't pointed my friends and family towards him then I've really missed the Christmas magic entirely. 

My paper whites are about to bloom and I'm anticipating their fragrance. My love for my Savior is blooming on this dark winter day, the shortest day of the year with the promise of more daylight ahead, everyday.

Value

What activities have the most value today?

I had to ask myself that question today as I hosted my son's family for Thanksgiving. What do I do with these four teenagers? Even more than eating, how could we spend quality time together? 

The best I could come up with was to invite them to go walk with me. The air and beauty, the slow conversations, the dog smelling and exploring, and the sound of quiet was of the most value in bonding us together. 

Mary Oliver

INVITATION

Oh do you have time

to linger

for just a little while

out of your busy

and very important day

for the goldfinches

that have gathered

in a field of thistles

for a musical battle,

to see who can sing

the highest note,

or the lowest,

or the most expressive of mirth,

or the most tender?

Their strong, blunt beaks

drink the air

as they strive

melodiously

not for your sake

and not for mine

and not for the sake of winning

but for sheer delight and gratitude –

believe us, they say,

it is a serious thing

just to be alive

on this fresh morning

in the broken world.

I beg of you,

do not walk by

without pausing

to attend to this

rather ridiculous performance.

It could mean something.

It could mean everything.

It could be what Rilke meant, when he wrote:

You must change your life.

– Mary Oliver (Devotions, Penguin Press 2017, 107-108)

Repeat

Some things get easier when you repeat

I was scrolling through Instagram this morning to see what I was doing a year ago today. I was pleased to see that I am repeating my actions from last year. I am writing. Last year daring to take the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) challenge seemed a little audacious. But I carefully added up all the words in my book. That book has gone through several edits and is done, as done as it needs to be at the moment.

   Today is day two of another NaNoWriMo. This year I am writing a sequel. This is a story of a young boy who is obsessed with the music of Erik Satie and wire walking. How did these two loves come together? The answer to that question is no stranger than what caused him to tumble from a 60 foot wire in the middle of his little town. It is dangerous to show you unedited work but here is a little peek at the first few chapters. 

  It feels great to know that I've tried and succeeded once and perhaps this novel will work as I repeat this lengthy process.

Who

Who Am I That Thou Seest Me?

Inherent in human nature is the desire to be special. It can be hard to believe that a God could love us because we are just a tiny speck of all His creations. But yet he has capacity to single us out and invite us to be his. 

   Take the story of Hagar out of the Old Testament. She felt scorned by Sarah, Abrahams's wife and handled herself in a way that made being with his family impossible. Alone with only her son she is cast out. Is this the end of the story? Not by a long shot. She is singled out and visited by an angel of God. He promises her protection and a noble posterity for his son. 

Painting by Elsbeth Young

Genesis 16:7, 10-11

"And the angel of the Lord found Hagar by a fountain of water in the wilderness....And and angel of the Lord said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for the multitude...The Lord hath heard thy affliction."

He Hears Me

Share

                 Can I Share the Love of God?

How does God do it? How can he make me feel so cherished and loved and still have enough to make every other child of his feel loved exclusively, too?

Artist Caitlin Connolly

Love One Another, Even As I Have Loved You

That must be the way it is.

 If I don't love you then it is harder to feel his love, right?

Love grows when it is shared.

I doubt God's love when I am miserly. How can He love me when I clutch his love tight to my chest and bury it deep within me? 

I feel it so much more when I turn outward towards you and extend my hand. 

When I show love I feel it radiate out of me and fill the space around me and even more, I feel it move towards every other human being. 

Give said the little stream.

Give oh give

Give oh give.

Give said the little stream, as it hurried down the hill. I'm small I know but wherever I go the grass grows greener still.

William Bradbury and Fanny Crosby

Potential

Neither man nor woman is perfect or complete without the other. Thus, no marriage or family, no ward or stake is likely to reach its full potential until husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, men and women work together in unity of purpose, respecting and relying upon each other's strengths. 

Sheri L. Dew

You may never have seen this couple before. Their visit to Seattle was not given any press time. Even though 49,000 people came to hear them speak and the streets of the city were lined with families leaving the baseball stadium after their addresses. 

I loved what they said but I will always remember their reliance and respect for one another. Together they have reached a new potential. Individually he was a renowned open heart surgeon, husband and father, and she was an author and family therapist. Now together they teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to people all over the world. He is the prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They are servants of the Lord. And together they are magnificent. FYI, he is ninety four years young and did not even hold on to the railing as he came up to the podium. 

The Lord will provide and sustain.

Complete

Complete Is Not The Same as Finished

I am intentional about watching sunrises. I drive to a looking place just minutes from my home and I wait. Each minute something changes. The clouds affect the colors, the water catches reflections of light, the birds move and take flight suddenly, and the sound of the waves make a soothing rhythm. When the sun comes over the horizon the sunrise is not finished but it is complete.

That cycle is complete. And so it us for us a children of God. We are never finished but we are complete, whole, when His grace allows us another day. I imagine what our earth looks like as it rotates around the sun. Half the time in darkness and then that return to the exposure of the sun. In German that return is called Umkehr. I picked that word to walk with me through 2018. I am always comforted by the sunrise and the return of day.

Crowd

In quiet moments when you think about it, you recognize what is critically important in life and what isn't. Be wise and don't let good things crowd out those that are essential. 

Richard G. Scott

What is essential?

Loving freely those in front of me is essential. 

I worry about fixing past mistakes and somehow finding the magic words to make right all that has gone wrong. 

That is not my job.

I can do right in this moment, say kindness about today, listen with my whole heart.

The Savior of my soul can go back in time and fix the ruts in my road. He can console those I have hurt and bring joy to their lives. He can speak peace to their hearts and help me show up when it is time to ask their forgiveness. 

I just need to be sure that I hear Him calling so I don't let the good crowd out the essential.

Rain

                      The Earth Is Parched

   No matter how wealthy you are around here, watering your lawn is not kosher. In a climate of healthy rainfall when it is summer and the rains stop, we don't water. 

  Another season is coming and even little children are heard saying, "I wish it would rain." And it will. But because we are fickle human beings we will soon be saying, "It has rained continually for a week. When will it stop?"

   The children of Israel get a bad rap for being fickle. I'm sure after the 25th day of manna from heaven I might say that the meat we had in Egypt would sure be good today. I makes me sad to think that the bondage would be forgotten in a moment of wanting something new. Tomorrow the rain is forecast and I will be hanging out the window to smell the fresh earth drinking, to hear the drops rebounding off the dry earth, and to see the green push out of the brown.

   Remember, remember how it once was.

Rush

Sometimes You Are Forced To Go Slow

For one month I've been forced to go slow, very slow. Sitting on the couch and looking out the window is becoming very tedious. Rushing is impossible. I am physically limited for a time.

  I'm learning that the natural world is actually very slow. Slow but steady. The rising sun can take forever to come over a mountain. The intensity, once it is over the hill, can be blinding so the slow warm up makes an important contrast. It teaches me to see and feel the process and appreciate the moment of rising.
  Very soon I will be back into the rush. Initially I will love moving quicker and I'm sure I will feel empowered by getting back to normal. But, I hope I remember the long slow days. I had time to figure a few things out. 

Anniversary

     It is fortunate that I only have two knees.

This month of August I celebrate the anniversary of my first knee replacement. How do I celebrate? By doing it all again. Last year I kept a journal which I'm following with rapt attention. At 5 days I went to the Physical Therapist, at two weeks I went to the Athletic Club for the first time to ride the recumbent bicycle for two minutes, at 2 1/2 weeks I walked around the corner with trekking poles, unattended, each milestone I seek to repeat. My recovery last year was positive. I should have a similar experience this year. Why not? 

It is a tradition that my husband gives me a blessing before I enter the hospital. This year I noted that he admonished me to look for blessings coming from unexpected sources. I have seen them and I am humbled.

These granddaughters came to stay for an overnight visit the week before the knee replacement. The overnight was a big deal because we all went swimming, attended a parade, and gave each other manicures. They are ages 7-12 and they are the little unexpected angels which have come to my aid. Two visted me in the hospital and gave extra special care. Another has arrived three days in a row to help me with my PT exercises and get a meal for me. They have all sent texts and I am just amazed that their natural ability to serve. I feel so fortunate to know them and have time with them. 

  Another granddaughter has come. She is older and works, so time is tighter for her. We are reading our books to each other. It is something we share, this need to write. I get to hear her fantasy tale of a library gone mad as the characters escape into an unsuspecting world and she hears my tale of a piano teacher found dead by her student.

  I hope to remember this year, as well as last year, as the years of the granddaughters. May we stay connected and find service and solace in each other.

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There is still time to read my novel about a pianist and teacher who finds a Liszt autograph manuscript and ends up dead. Who killed her to get the treasure? The mysterious student who comes from out of town to study with her? The colleague from Hungary who wants the manuscript more than anything? 

My novel Rubato

A story of a woman's longing for beauty and her struggle to keep the beautiful even when it didn't belong to her.

Click here to read the book for free for a limited time.