Mindful Monday- Listening Without An Agenda

"Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire, and judgement-and for a few moments at least, existing for the other person."

Michael P. Nichols, PhD "The Lost Art Of Listening"

   Isn't it hard to listen well. Suspending memory, desire and judgement seems almost herculean. I believe if I had a more disciplined mind I would be more able to focus and really listen. My acupuncturist likes my yearly mindfulness plan and when I mentioned that the month of May was all about listening she gave me some sage advise.

She assured me that it is part of being human to listen with an ear for how the conversation affects us. What is in this conversation for me? Why not use that tendency and tweak the motivation to assert that this conversation has something important for me to hear and listen for that information. The speaker becomes important to us and our attention moves more genuinely to the speaker.

"When listening is genuine, the emphasis is on the speaker, not the listener."

As a teacher I observed that it took almost two years before my attention shifted from my own lesson plan to the student's comments and concerns. I still remember one evening, while processing my teaching day, recalling almost all the comments of my student. Previously I recalled only my own teaching moments. It is an act of faith to suspend the teaching plan and really listen to a comment and then move to respond in an appropriate direction even if that means leaving the plan temporarily. 

"However it's phrased, a good listener's response makes you feel understood and invites you to say more."

Are you aware of people who make it easy to talk to them? They seem to have a genuine curiosity and seem to ask follow-up questions. Here are some samples. 

"Gee, you have a headache? When did it start?"

"Can't decide what to wear? What were thinking of wearing?"

"You hate your staff meetings? What are they like?"

" What's been going on that makes you feel you do twice the work?"

This month I would like to pay closer attention to my conversations, especially with my grandchildren. They speak quickly and softly and I work to catch the full meaning of their words. The payoff is that I know more about their life and can be influential in certain situations. My husband's long, long, explanations of his projects can be tedious but I will try to catch the main ideas because I love seeing his eyes light up with delight when a job works out. 


May is a month to explore listening. You can read more about my Year of Mindfulness here.

Join me in a wonderful class on self-compassion taught by Brené Brown and Kristin Neff, 
Starts May 16, click here for more information.