Is the Doctor In?

So today I could use a good therapist to help me through this thinking black hole. I have been wondering for some time why I don't want to do the things which once I actually do them, I really, really enjoy?

 Let me start with prayer.

I am not saying that I don't pray. But why do I have to strive to pray. I looked up the word strive.  It means to work very hard, in a nutshell. Prayer is meaningful most, of the time, for me. It gives me comfort, helps me focus on what is real, and gives me direction. So why don't I just roll out of bed and fall to my knees?

So now on to yoga.

I love doing yoga and I can't begin to number all the benefits I receive from my practice. but I have to strive to get out the mat and do it. Do I do yoga, yes but I have to work very hard to remember that it is a priority.

Take playing the piano;

I play often in the day, but it is related to work. What I really love is to play for myself. I love finding a piece of music and having a love affair with it. Having the piano draw me over, playing the song over and over again and still not having enough. That is so enjoyable but, I have to strive to get on the seat initially.

There is obviously a dis-connect between the wanting and the doing.

I don't have an answer. I am just sitting on the floor and looking up for direction. Hmmm, while I am here, I should do yoga.