Long

   I made an agreement this week to eat my meals at the table whether I was with family or not. I thought it would be difficult but manageable. I am undone with how LONG it will take to change a habit. It is day four and I have only been successful once everyday. I am doing this to break a numbing habit of eating while watching TV, reading, etc. Numbing feelings is very easy to do when I eat while doing other things. It is however, very bad for my ability to know what I am consuming during the day.

   I numb feelings most often when I am tired, anxious, bored, or stressed out. The sobering facts are that I cannot numb feelings that are negative without numbing feelings of joy. That makes me sad. I wrote more about that here.

   Eating at the table brings calmness and gratitude as immediate rewards. I don't see why those rewards alone don't stop me from doing otherwise but, I have some deeply ingrained habits. Eating while watching TV feels like comfort until I think back on my lack of mindfulness.

    I am trying again today. Breakfast was good. It may take a LONG time.

I write on Fridays with a large group who inspire me. Only five minutes and without much thought to perfection. I write, prompted by one word that sends my thoughts to the keyboard and hopefully make sense.