Building A Strong Family Narrative- the Twenty Questions

    In the New York Times, on March 15, an article was published which made me sit up and take notice. It was written by Bruce Feiler about families and what makes an effective family. He quotes the work of researchers Marshall Duke and his wife Sara, psychologists, with work with children with disabilities. Their research showed something which I have believed to be true.

    "After a while, a surprising theme emerged. The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative." Bruce Feiler
   “The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges,” she said. Her husband was intrigued, and along with a colleague, Robyn Fivush, set out to test her hypothesis. They developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions. Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth?" Marshall Duke 

   "The main criterion, as mentioned above, is that the questions are about things that the children could not have learned on their own or experienced directly."
   I have a strong family narrative. The stories of the five women, pictured above, were passed on to me in one on one conversations. 
   On the far left, my paternal grandmother, Anna, heroically saved a child in a burning building which left her physically handicapped the rest of her life.
   Henriette, my maternal great-grandmother, had ten children and lived to be in her eighties, still working and living graciously.
   Anna, my maternal grandmother, came to America in her early seventies, by herself on a ship, to join her daughter.
  Johanna, my maternal aunt, joined a foreign church and changed my life forever.
  And on the far right, my mother, who lived through a war with her little boys while her husband fought. She later emigrated to America where she learned a new language and a new culture.
  How much do your children know and how strong is your family narrative?

  The Do You Know Scale
Please answer the following questions by circling "Y" for "yes" or "N" for "no." Even if you know the information we are asking about, you don't need to write it down. We just wish to know if you know the information. 

1. Do you know how your parents met?Y N

2. Do you know where your mother grew up?Y N
3. Do you know where your father grew up?Y N
4. Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up?Y N
5. Do you know where some of your grandparents met?Y N
6. Do you know where your parents were married?Y N
7. Do you know what went on when you were being born?Y N
8. Do you know the source of your name?Y N
9. Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born?Y N
10. Do you know which person in your family you look most like?Y N
11. Do you know which person in the family you act most like?Y N
12. Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger?Y N
13. Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?Y N
14. Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school?Y N
15. Do you know the national background of your family (such as English, German, Russian, etc)?Y N
16. Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young?Y N
17. Do you know some awards that your parents received when they were young?Y N
18. Do you know the names of the schools that your mom went to?Y N
19. Do you know the names of the schools that your dad went to?Y N
20. Do you know about a relative whose face "froze" in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough?Y N

Score: Total number answered Y.