“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
Benjamin Franklin
So, I'm taking another online class. My daughter groans when I announce that. She claims that I will be spouting off new vocabulary with all new definitions that no one understands. True, but I come out of each class with new insight and willingness to abandon bad behaviors. This month my class is entitled, "The Heartfelt Apology".
I plan to nurture a better way of saying "I'm sorry". I also plan to abandon some habits that de-rail my good intentions.
- Don't use the word but after I'm sorry
- Don't use an apology as a bargaining tool
- Don't over apologize to avoid criticism
- Don't apologize expecting an outcome
Sometimes abandoning limiting behavior is easy when we understand why we do what we do. Other times God eases the way, softening our hearts. The word apologize does not seem to be in the Kind James version of the scriptures. But a synonym "repent" is the main course in all the meals God serves.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I beseech of you in words of soberness that ye would repent, and come with full purpose of heart, and cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you. And while his arm of mercy is extended towards you in the light of the day, harden not your hearts.
Jacob 6:5
I have been writing with the Five Minute Friday Group for more than two years and I really enjoy the talented writers
I'm intrigued by your comment that your taking "another" class. I love learning new things or expanding my horizons on an already-familiar subject/activity, so I love that. More specifically, I really appreciate the 4 things a person shouldn't do when apologizing. My parents taught me as a child that an apology does not have "but" in it, but after reading your post, I have to admit that when I apologize, I almost always have one or more of #2-4 as an ulterior motive. Thank you for pointing out something I need to address -- and for bringing to mind that I almost surely should apologize more often than I do. Fantastic post!! (a fellow 5 Minute Friday blogger)
ReplyDeletePatti, you are so kind.
DeleteSeveral years we began using the word "repent" in our family. It's got a different meaning that we like better. Although I often want to make an apology without excuse, I find myself often using "but" Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteYour are welcome. I am surprised at the mistakes I make.
DeleteThese are great insights, Gabriele, and it sounds like an interesting course. It's good to keep learning and growing.
ReplyDeleteYe, another good course to open the pathways towards being a better person.
DeleteYou're never too old to learn still. I'm in the 41 spot this week.
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope I never feel too old to learn.
DeleteWhen I talk about taking another on-line class, my sister-in-law tells me I need to do something in person ;) This one sounds so very valuable as to the others you've taken. Glad that you share what you've learned here.
ReplyDeleteI would be scared stiff taking one of these classes in person. The material is so vulnerable.
DeleteWhy is it so hard to just make a simple honest statement - I'm sorry, I blew it! ?
ReplyDelete'but' it is always the best way.
Yes, the better way and the harder way.
DeleteFranklin was spot on. Also, along with "but," "if" weakens an apology. "I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt," is not a sure as "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
ReplyDelete