Friday, April 27, 2012

Scaling Down

   I have been spending some time on this implement lately. I have been overweight most of my life.


This post is not going to be pretty so if you are bored by weight loss discussions or squeamish about people talking about shame and fear, close the page now. 
If you are still here then it is true, I am going to explore the words shame and fear. After all my blog is called "Back On The Floor Again" and when it comes to weight loss I am starting over and exploring why I am in the same place, again and again. Let me start with some definitions. 
"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."

Brown, Brene (2010-09-20). The Gifts of Imperfection 
Shame is attached to my being overweight and it raises it's ugly head whenever I start on the path to losing weight. Fear of failure is shame's best friend and together these emotions make my process precarious, to say the least. I am presently at the end of week 3 and have lost 6 pounds which is evident in the way my clothes fit and I am allowing myself a glimpse of joy. I believe in order to fight shame and fear I need to embrace three C's:
Today is an attempt to have the courage to be truthful about my need to loose weight to help my body be more effective. I do honor my body more than ever before. My yoga practice has enabled me to live in my present body and listen to it's needs. Now it is time to lift the burden it carries. 
While in Arizona this February I watched an episode of "The Biggest Loser".  I scoffed and made negative remarks about the commercialism of people's struggles but then I gave some place to the courage these individuals exhibited. I was impressed. To aid my staying "real"my friend and business partner kept suggesting an app to record my eating for each day. I resisted many weeks but now I see the benefit of knowing when I need to stop eating and stay within my calorie limits. My goal is not to be thin but moderately slim, 30 pounds to be exact, and I have a long way to go. Now I have recorded my story and it will be sent out to be shared. Shame does not like being exposed.
"Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it—it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is hide or bury our story. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes. I remember saying out loud: “I need to talk to someone RIGHT NOW. Be brave, Brené!”

Brown, Brene (2010-09-20). The Gifts of Imperfection 

Be Brave and go forward, you are worthy.

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