How Do You Want To Feel At Thanksgiving?

Holiday Feelings

   How do I want to feel?

Do I have control over that? 

   Holidays are such a big deal

At times I feel like a door mat.

   Be sure to get enough gifts, 

Write cards to those I’ve forgotten.

   Make all the food on the lists,

If I don’t, I’ll feel rotten.

I’d like to feel welcoming,

  Calm, whole, and gracious.

I’d like to be strengthening,

 Heart open and spacious.

 What has to happen 

For me to feel like that? 

Gathering with family is on the horizon and maybe it's time to consider what you want to feel at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Last year at this time I had a phone visit with a life coach named Bonnie. She offered an introductory session for women with adult children who struggle to connect. 

She asked me two questions that I had difficulty answering.

How do you want to feel when you get together with your family?

What has to happen to help you feel that way?

We worked on thoughts that arise during family gatherings because really it is our thoughts that generate our feelings. Here are some negative thoughts that have arisen and might arise again during a family gathering.

"My house is dirty. I wish I was a better housekeeper."

"I really should have purchased more food."

"Why does that grandchild just sit in the corner on their phone?"

"I need to start washing dishes right away."

"Why doesn't anyone help?"

So, from these thoughts, I am inadequate, why are they doing that, I am not loved, feelings arise. But are these thoughts facts? No, they are perceptions which may or may not be true.

And then Bonnie challenged me to try some new thoughts. 

"I really want to show love to that grandchild in the corner."

"I am so grateful that my son and family traveled here to be with us."

"My daughter-in-law brought the best side dishes."

"I can't wait to go on a walk with their dogs."

These new thoughts brought a whole variety of feelings, such as; love, gratitude, anticipation of fun, and appreciation from my family.

That's what I wanted to feel! So, what had to happen to feel that way?

I had to change my thoughts. Bingo!

Easier said than done but, it worked. I had a great Thanksgiving last year and intend to carry that into the holiday season this year.

"You control how you show up in the world by controlling who you want to be."

Bonnie Lyman, Coaching

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