Safe Is Not Where The Joy Is- Daring Greatly #3

     Once on a trip to Germany to visit my daughter I confessed to her that I was all about being safe and coming across the Atlantic felt like a very vulnerable thing to do. She laughed and told me she knew that trait within me and wondered when I was going to grow out of it?

   Securing safety is a legacy I inherited. Oh no, am I going to blame my parents for this? I hope I don't but as a child the quest to feel safe was very strong. I often felt I must gird myself for the eventuality that I could be lost, abandoned, or rejected. None of this ever happened so I wonder why I planned so many ways to prevent it from taking place. Could it be I took on the fears of my ancestors who lived through war upon war, times of hunger and loss, and extreme vulnerability to the whims of extreme leadership in government?

   This said, perhaps you can see why I have latched on to the book, Daring Greatly, which opens the door between fear and shame to the view of living wholeheartedly through vulnerability. The author Brene Brown describes her shock to see the antidote of shame being vulnerability. She was making a list of the traits of people who she interviewed and who were struggling with fear and shame and compared them to the traits of those who lived whole-hearted lives. Perfectionism, being cool, being well thought of, working too hard, feeling scarcity of time, talent, and ability, these were coming out of the list on the left. She saw herself there. On the right, the list of traits of people who lived more vulnerable lives, creativity appeared on the top. That made her angry because she often looked down on people who made time to explore things which seem more ethereal. "You may have your ART, but I have a JOB."  I love that quote. She saw how much she desired control over her life. She told a counselor that she needed help embracing vulnerability. Out of that work came the book. 

   So if the joy is not safety and control how do I lean into more scary places? There is a deep resistance to doing any vulnerable activity. I fight that sticky resistance every day. My gut says it is getting over myself and looking outward. I recall a rather magical evening, (click here to read about it) when a guest at dinner turned out to be a renowned piano teacher who specialized at improvisation. I sat next to him and played freely matching his enthusiasm. How did I do that? I didn't over think; just jumped in and I felt the joy. 

 So here are some vulnerable places I have leaned into this year:

  Losing 30 pounds

  Riding my bicycle all over town

  Going to the dentist after four years

  Visiting a physical therapist for a body alignment issue

  Driving to Houston, Texas in our 11 year old car

  Giving away my baked bread during December to further my Artisan Breadmaking Project

I hope to continue……………...