“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
My biggest canvas to date was 3 feet wide and 5 feet long. I received it as a gift and it sat in my studio, taunting me. I finally laid a large sheet on the floor and squeezed the tubes of paint on the canvas. Do you know how much acrylic paint is needed to cover a canvas that big? Even more than you think. My first layer was varying shades of warm colors. When I left to let that layer dry it took days to get myself to go back upstairs. The resistance to continuing onward was like swimming through molasses.
I didn't understand this fear. What did I have to lose?
The second layer of the painting was working with cooler colors. I tried spraying the paint with water to see the varying shades of green run into the warm colors. It was at this point that I could imagine the autumn foliage reflecting in a pond. I started working on the water, all the time sitting on the floor beside the canvas. At last the reeds coming out of the water emerged and for the first time I felt an ease in my body. I wasn't going to destroy this painting after all.
The flash of light I received had to do with the strength of resistance. It is always there. it doesn't go away with acquiring additional skill. It doesn't go away with validation from others. It is part of the creative process. There is nothing noble about pushing through it like a suffering artist. I am not a victim to creativity, I am a participator. I am a humble, grateful friend of a God given gift.
“Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul's evolution, the resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”
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