You Belong Nowhere, You Belong Everywhere

You do not need to negotiate your belonging with the world.

In these 31 Days of October I am unpacking my learning from the book, Braving The Wilderness, by Brené Brown. She has been a favorite author for years. In this new publication she manages to build a sidewalk and curb in the wilderness where we can bravely tread.

My husband came up with the words, "she manages to build a sidewalk and curb in the wilderness". He is talking about the writing of Brené Brown, and he is spot on. The sidewalk she builds comes from vocabulary that defines but also encapsulates our common experiences. The curb along the sidewalk encourages us to fully travel wide but describes boundaries that make for a more civil journey.

     My seven year old granddaughter made the picture above for my birthday. I belong in my cute little house with children at my door. The easel hints at my creative life to which I aspire. The piano is my workspace and my solace. She gets me.

“Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.” —

I will continue writing my Nurturing Mondays and will be joining Five Minute Friday writers, as well.

Thanks for reading along.

If you want to go back and read click here. Two years ago I wrote for 31 days about Brené's other book Rising Strong. Read those posts here.

What Have I Learned?

Reading is one step, remembering another, but doing, moving with and through a book is another step altogether.

In these 31 Days of October I am unpacking my learning from the book, Braving The Wilderness, by Brené Brown. She has been a favorite author for years. In this new publication she manages to build a sidewalk and curb in the wilderness where we can bravely tread.


I am down to the last of writing everyday in October. Outside of the fact that my computer died mid month and I was using my husband's machine, which has quirks, this was a terrific experience. Some mornings I was writing at 4:00am and other days the day almost escaped me. Thank-you if you followed along. I believe I met my goal which was to unpack the book, Braving The Wilderness, and glean what was meant for me.

Brené Brown was calling me to recognize where I belonged and to bravely walk into the wilderness. The wilderness was a metaphor which could be a political arena, a work environment, family life, a marriage, a church community, facing medical issues, or getting older. Anywhere we are vulnerable and unsure of "our place" can be a wilderness. 

There were four directives for engaging in the wilderness.

1. People Are Hard To Hate Close Up. Move In.
2. Speak Truth To Bullshit. Be Civil.
3. Hold Hands. With Srangers.
4. Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart

I tried to cover these in my posts and apply them to my own experience. I recommend you read the book yourself. My ramblings are not the same as reading it. Brené has a gift in naming life experiences and explaining how they can sustain us or bring us to an impasse. 

Because of this book I am seeing my wilderness as more an adventure than a punishment. I am more aware of people who "do" their wilderness with grace and kindness. As always in her books, I see the teachings of Jesus Christ demonstrated in a modern setting. She never says his name but he is the consummate wilderness trekker.

One more post tomorrow and if you want to go back and read click here. Two years ago I wrote for 31 days about Brené's other book Rising Strong. Read those posts here.

Wilderness Story II

"The resilience that comes from the scrutiny the wilderness and that"stronger sense of when we're not being true to what we think is right" is the mark a wild heart."

In these 31 Days of October I am unpacking my learning from the book, Braving The Wilderness, by Brené Brown. She has been a favorite author for years. In this new publication she manages to build a sidewalk and curb in the wilderness where we can bravely tread.

Four years ago, my friend Sharon started dialysis, three days a week, for the rest of her life. During an emergency visit to the hospital, it was discovered that her kidneys were working at two percent capacity. It was there that she had her first dialysis treatment and she was scared to go through the procedure. I asked her if she had come to peace with the truth that she would have this treatment forever onward. She laughed and said that she still fights the idea. That fleeting hope of one day her kidneys fully functioning is still there.

What I see in Sharon is a strong back, a soft front, and a wild heart. All attributes that serve her well in the wilderness of dealing with her health. The dialysis center tries to have a positive, pleasant atmosphere. She started out feeling scared and vulnerable but now I see her being outgoing and happy to do this four hour process of cleaning her blood. There are two cups of blood outside of her body going through purification at one time. 

     I see Sharon greeting technicians by name and commenting on how they are doing. They greet her back with affection that comes from frequent contact in a vulnerable place. She feels that she belongs there because of the warmth of the employees. Many are Filipino and call her "mam". 

   When asked who her favorite technician is she answered that they were all nice. The best technicians know what they are doing. Sharon has swallow veins and when they put the (size 14-15 knitting needle size) needle in her body she demands that they know how to do it correctly. The consequence of doing things ineffectively is that she bleeds. A treatment which inadvertently causes bleeding leaves her weak and unwell.

   Sharon's strong back helps her advocate for herself clearly, her soft front allows her to give love and receive affection, and her wild heart gives her a sense of true belonging and self-worth. You are the wilderness, Sharon.

Click here to go back to my table of contents to see the other posts  

                          

Wilderness Story

 Sometimes The Wilderness Is Just A New Place Where You Feel Uncomfortable

In these 31 Days of October I am unpacking my learning from the book, Braving The Wilderness, by Brené Brown. She has been a favorite author for years. In this new publication she manages to build a sidewalk and curb in the wilderness where we can bravely tread.

Amy appeared at my door one day to ask me to participate in a new group forming in our community. She needed musicians to help with bringing music participation to individuals coping with dementia, Alzheimers disease, and Parkinson's disease. She explained how playing an instrument affects the brain. I was intrigued and agreed to come see how things worked. I might have said no, considering my busy schedule, but I wanted to check out the idea of creating a band of amateur musicians. The organization Music Mends Minds had a very interesting website.

I learned that when dealing with memory loss music reaches past memory to a deeper place

            

The sensory experience of music binds with memory in the brain and makes it more powerful. 

Here are some things expressed by those who are suffering from memory loss and their caregivers.

You need to be around people
Playing music together offers a sense of freedom
Having something to do that is valuable and important
Cognition improves when playing music with others
Playing music lowers depression
Playing music raises energy
Playing an instrument requires muscle memory in the brain and is not impacted by dementia. Music is like another language.





At first as I involved myself with this group I had to deal with my own sadness. I met with people who I had known before their decline into memory loss. It was hard for me to "look loss in the face". Really, the weeks of holding back was about my own unwillingness to see my mortality. At some point I felt the impression to look at how I could contribute better. I started observing more and pulling away less. I saw how some people waited, while others chatted and did business. The idea came to me to play music at the piano, right away. I also observed the impact of rhythm and suggested a play along with simple instruments. That provided more of the idea of being in a band. In our group, very few really played an instrument. Everyone liked playing along with something that made sound. We are young still and I am eager to see how we progress. I hope I can help create moments of rest and relaxation for anxious minds. These words by a caregiver resonated with me.

"What radiates on the faces of the band and the audience is a sense of this moment of contentment that has nothing to do with suffering and all about the rewards of taking the risk to show up. They've paid their dues and now have a free lifetime membership to the sanctuary of the heart." 

Click here to go back to my table of contents to see the other posts  

Overcoming The Fear Of Not Belonging

In these 31 Days of October I am unpacking my learning from the book, Braving The Wilderness, by Brené Brown. She has been a favorite author for years. In this new publication she manages to build a sidewalk and curb in the wilderness where we can bravely tread.

How can we overcome the fear of not belonging? There is always someone wiser, more creative, smarter, more spiritual. Belonging is not acheived by being better than everyone else. That notion requires outside validation. Someone would have to agree that you are wiser and mre creative. Perhaps belonging comes when you increase the space around you. By that I mean, widen the circle of desire to understand. 

Where are your eyes? Jesus admonished to have our eyes single to the glory of God. His glory encompasses a huge and vast space. Looking for His glory will bring understanding. Your neighbor is in His glory. The stranger at the street light is in His glory.  Your estranged daughter is in His glory and his glory is bathing her with light so you can understand and see her. Everything and everyone belongs in His glory. Be not afraid, you belong.

Click here to go back to my table of contents to see the other posts  

Belonging Or Fitting In

"Belonging is being somewhere you want to be, and they want you. Fitting in is being somewhere you want to be, but they don't care one way or the other."

In these 31 Days of October I am unpacking my learning from the book, Braving The Wilderness, by Brené Brown. She has been a favorite author for years. In this new publication she manages to build a sidewalk and curb in the wilderness where we can bravely tread.

It seems to be a universal experience in adolescence to want to belong to a certain group and never truly fitting there. You are lucky if you had a group in which you belonged.

Even worse is the feeling that you don't belong in your family.  Perhaps they have priorities you can't get exicted about, or they push you to participate in an activity that you hate. Those tensions can feel like a lack of belonging.

Truly, it is a gift to bless other people with a sense of belonging. Being open hearted, interested, willingly to sacrifice for their good are all traits that people who create belonging. 

Fitting in is a counterfeit of belonging. 
More on belonging tomorrow.

                                      

Click here to go back to my table of contents to see the other posts 

Our Wild Heart

"A wild heart is not something you can always see--and yet it is our greatest possession."

In these 31 Days of October I am unpacking my learning from the book, Braving The Wilderness, by Brené Brown. She has been a favorite author for years. In this new publication she manages to build a sidewalk and curb in the wilderness where we can bravely tread.

What is a wild heart?

• A wild heart can live out the paradoxes of life

A wild heart can straddle the tension of staying awake to the struggle in the world and fighting for justice and peace, while also cultivating its own moments of joy.

• A wild heart is awake to the pain in the world, but does not diminish it's own pain
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• A wild heart belongs no where
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• A wild heart belongs everywhere
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The ultimate wild heart belongs to Jesus Christ. He lived the tension between his Jewish tradition and his mission to elevate The Law. He stayed awake to the struggles of all mankind and still found joy in individual relationships. He talked of the pain he endured to atone for the sins of the world, but did not belittle the pain of others. He belonged nowhere, not in the Jewish synagogue and not always with his disciples. He belonged everywhere. In Samaria, eating with Publicans, and healing the sinner. He came from the wilderness, as his cousin John The Baptist. He calls me to the wilderness and asks that I look for my wild heart.

                                      

Click here to go back to my table of contents to see the other posts