The Pumpkin Patch

We visited a pumpkin patch this week. Once a dairy farm, it now is a destination for harvest fun; open every day from Sept-Oct.

Acres of orange amongst dying vines make a obstacle course for running.

A pumpkin can become a throne for the littlest pumpkin child.

Which woman is scarier?

All farm hands must be able to reach the pedals.

     The best part was the corn maze designed like a map of Washington state with the pathways labeled like our major highways. Everyone enters, via hay wagon, in Idaho and must exit in Gray's Harbor. I-90 is a straight shot across the middle of the maze. You can take a more scenic route which walks you through Puget Sound.

You certainly can stop over and visit an Island or two. Here we are next to Vashon.

The farm also offers miniature golf, a bouncy pad, go carts, and a pig train.

Last but not least the food was delicious and very reasonably priced. I will go there again, for sure.

What Is Being Authentic?

    My Hibiscus plant is peculiar. She puts out one blossom at a time, for three days duration, then falls off. It is the second day that it opens wide, wholeheartedly wide. Other flowering bushes hold their blossoms longer, but this is authentic to the Hibiscus.

 
   My class encompasses the ideas of authenticity this week. Are we authentic with those around us? Is that like saying, "Are you honest with your fellowman?" I'm asking because I don't have the answers. I do know that I pretend sometimes; to like what I am doing, to be happy when I'm not. Pretending is not equal to being real. It has potential to become real but it also has potential to leave us empty.

     So I have a story to tell. It will help me clarify my own motivations. I wanted to do sometime authentic for my birthday. I came up with the idea to go swimming with my whole family. Swimming is fraught with vulnerabilities for those of us who have body issues, but it also has potential to be  wholehearted fun. What is not to love about being wet, treading water, and splashing others? Our athletic club rents out their swimming pool so I pursued finding a date. They don't rent the pool often, mostly because their times are after closing on Saturdays and Sundays. Saturday's time was way too late for toddlers and so I considered Sunday. Does swimming together as a family break the Law of the Sabbath? I honor that day as a day set aside for spiritual things. I never go swimming that day personally, but would it be kosher as a special family event? I felt it was right for me so I scheduled the pool and announced my celebratory occasion. Then the trouble started. Not everyone was in tune with my plan. I understood and knew it was important for each family to choose for themselves. I was disappointed but chose not to cancel. For weeks I re-thought and re-thought, each time feeling that I should let things be as I planned. On the day of the party, with some members of the family missing, I proceeded to go to the club to set things up. The employee knew nothing about my reservation. He wanted to close and leave. He called the boss. My grandchildren were lined up behind me excitedly talking with each other. Several phone calls later he announced the boss was coming in himself. We rushed in. I watched the children's faces. They were totally open and having such fun. The Dad's were playing with their children. This was what I wanted. A large place to be together without bickering, without distracted parents, just body and soul participation. Was it right? Yes. Will I do it again? Probably not. It left out people I love. It did, however, teach me to stand. My default mode when I am challenged for doing something wrong is to capitulate.

   "Some of us move toward (criticism and shame) by seeking to appease and please."
   This does nothing to move me towards compassion and connection because it is a pretense. It does not require evaluation, just giving in.
    "Others move away, withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets. And, some of us move against it (criticism and shame) by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive."
   These reactions move us away from real courage to feel what we feel. To have compassion for what we lack and move us to be more authentically connected to our most important source of truth, the Holy Ghost.
   "Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are."
Brown, Brene (2010-09-20). The Gifts of Imperfection (p. 50).

   To this I add, it is the practice of listening to the spirit. If the Hibiscus could be shamed into blooming longer would the blossom be as beautiful?

Turning Sixty

  Yesterday I reached a milestone. I turned sixty. The next decade seems important to me. I've grown up to be a……..(Ta Da!) creative person. That is what I always wanted to be. To make it official I made an office space for my creativity. Upstairs, in what used to be kids bedrooms I have my own yoga space and art desk.

    It overlooks the yard with falling leaves. I am almost in the canopy. I have a cozy bed to read on and a wonderful desk to write and draw.

 
       How did we celebrate?  Finding our restaurant of choice closed, we wandered in to the newly opened Sea Breeze Farms Le Boucherie. It is a dining experience. One menu, six courses, everyone eats at 7:00pm. The meal lasts until 9:30. Reservations recommended because the restaurant seats 20 people. We were turned away once, years ago.

        All the food comes with a pedigree. The duck, sausage, beef, and pork were all from the farm. The vegetables from local growers, even the apple juice was made just 50 miles away, Small portions of delicious flavors made us feel just right as we wandered back home.

 
   With this much time to eat we watched the candles melt down into dripping sculptures. My husband is a great conversationalist, so time was consumed along with the food. While all the other guests raced to the boat we stayed until the waitress warmly thanked us for coming. Bye, bye.

I Am Enough

  This morning, after my husband left for work, I turned off the lights, cozied up with my pillows and tried to go back to sleep. For ten minutes…….I pretended I could do that. My seasonal allergies made me sniff and snort, sorry…too much information, and soon I decided the wiser move was to get up to my office and on to my yoga mat. I love being on the mat but I hate getting there. Moving through down dog seems to move my energy around and within the hour I feel released from the allergy and the mental fog. After yoga I had an hour to do classwork. My art journal work was calling me. Today I made permission slips. These remind me to be intentional about my work, yet allow for the pain of growth.

Then an assignment was to write down the names of those few people who I am safe enough with to carry my shame and fears. There are supposed to be a very few. And there are. Not so much because I don't have wonderful close friends, but because it takes tremendous courage to be that vulnerable with someone. To those few names I owe my sanity. God, please don't take them from me, and when you do, please make me enough to go on.

   I also copied my picture to mount into the journal. The assignment made me feel uncomfortable. I was to write on my palm the words, "I am imperfect and I am enough" with a Sharpie. There it was, black and bold. I had these words with me until the evening when they finally washed off in the shower. They peered out at me when I was teaching piano and felt frustrated with my student. They flashed before my eyes as I walked into the pool for an evening swim. Did I believe them? Intellectually I do! Emotionally they are loaded with baggage.

  As I am learning in this class, courage is from the latin word heart. If we move from the heart our courage is more than toughing out a hard thing, it becomes a vulnerable leap into the unknown. That leap often requires compassion for ourselves and the those we leap with and onto. Truly we move with courage to make deeper connections not merely to push ourselves into the the darkness.

  COURAGE
  COMPASSION
  CONNECTION

  This is my intention for the first week of class. I see it all around me. A friend opening up about a very difficult experience, my son taking care of his sick wife and being the "mom" to his children, my daughter asking for letters from her friends to open on her birthday when she is far away, all these acts of courage, compassion, and connection make me eager to watch and act, myself.

First Day Of Class

   My e-mail inbox has all the links for the first day of class. Before I click I need to write down what I think I might learn from taking this course based on "The Gifts Of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. Ten days ago, when I paid for the class I was very excited to begin. After reading the forward to her book I wrote down the questions she asked herself about the wholehearted people she interviewed. I have those same questions.

What did these folks value?
How did they create all of this resilience in their lives? 
What were their main concerns and how did they resolve or address them? 
Can anyone create a Wholehearted life? 
What does it take to cultivate what we need? 
What gets in the way?

Brown, Brene (2010-09-20). The Gifts of Imperfection

   I will refer back to these questions as I journey through these next six weeks. My good friend handed me this leaf as we commented on the amazing color of her bush. The leaf, which had fallen to the ground, was waxy and firm. I noted the wholehearted color, the connected veins reaching outward, and the imperfections. This will be the symbol of my journey. In the autumn of my life I desire firmness, wholehearted color, healthy veins that reach outward to connect, and belief that my imperfections will be made perfect through my faith in Jesus Christ.

Fall Colors

I saw a tree on fire and wondered at the exquisite drama of these autumn days.

    Do landscapers know what fall leaves will look like when they plant a long row of trees? Do they visualize the parade of color?

 
   "What a discovery! She could not get a satisfactory answer from anyone about what in heaven’s name these flowers thought they were doing, showing up here at the cold beginning of autumn, leafless and unprotected, just when all else was dying. “They are autumn crocuses,” Beatrix told her.

Yes, clearly and obviously they were— but to what end? Why bloom now? Were they stupid flowers? Had they lost track of time? To what important office did this crocus need to attend, that it would suffer to put forth bloom during the first bitter nights of frost? Nobody could elucidate.

 “That is simply how the variety behaves,” Beatrix said, which Alma found to be an uncharacteristically unsatisfying answer. When Alma pushed further, Beatrix replied, “Not everything has an answer.”

                   Gilbert, Elizabeth (2013-10-01). The Signature of All Things: A Novel (p. 60).

Fall Zoobie

We had another visit to the zoo. We are zoobies, you know. Not zombies, as the spell checker would like you to think. On a partly cloudy day, the clouds parted just for our time there.

   I love checking on Kali, the Sumatran Tiger Cub. We have been watching her grow. This week she was out of the nursery and into her own habitat. I marveled at her paws, which are huge and hint at what an awesome tiger she will be.

    William Blake leaves us with the sobering question, "Did he who made the lamb make thee?'