Eight Minute Memoir- Decisions

Do We Stay In The Suburbs Or Move To An Island?

  It was 1987 and the company we worked for sold out to a bigger entity. Our job was not needed so we were without work. The lease on our house was up. We had nowhere to live. After a few months of living with kind friends we had to make a decision. Would we stay in the suburbs or do something adventuresome, like move to an island? The positives were we had friends who already lived on one, yes there were a few to choose from, and they coaxed us to try it out. The rent was cheaper on this rural island. The schools seemed good; there was one elementary, one middle school and one high school. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

   The negatives were, it was ferry access only. Ferry fare was expensive for a family of seven. Ferry schedules determined when you could leave and when you could come home. Island living had less choices, two small stores, one small theater, everything closed down at 9:00 o'clock, and no Target. 
   We made a choice to try surround water effect. It was only a trial. I anticipated moving back to the mainland at some point. Jump ahead to now and it is almost thirty years later. This island has had a profound effect on my life. In fact I will be doing a 31 Days of Writing project in October to record "Stories of Island Living"

I am joining Ann Dee Ellis and other writers in using a prompt                        to record some memoir moments.

Eight Minute Memoir- Missing

Some things go missing out of neglect while others are missing because of great need.

    When Mark asked me to marry him he reached into his pocket and produced a jewelry case too big to be a ring. As I opened the lid I saw a delicate gold chain with a British Sovereign set in a gold ring. I admit I was just a tad bit disappointed. But I was marrying a non-conventional man. He explained that this coin was purchased years before and it was intended for the woman he would marry. I told my parents that I received a "ring around the collar."

   On our wedding day when the officiator asked him if he had a ring he produced a beautiful star sapphire surrounded with 12 small diamonds. I loved that ring, but somehow, somewhere, it disappeared in the first few years of our marriage. I remembered it was on the kitchen window sill while I did the dishes. I was bereft. I searched even asking Mark to take apart the kitchen drain.

   I still had the "ring around the collar". That phrase came from a laundry stain remover which claimed to remove those unsightly rings on the collar of shirts. Our business failed in the early nineteen eighties. We had no income for many months. My gold coin necklace paid the rent. My missing symbols of commitment are gone but my marriage is intact. There have been new rings and a new necklace. Things that go missing remind us to seek with the expectation of finding. What we find can be of more value than what we lost.

"Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it?
                                                                Luke 15:8

Heal

"Restoring what you cannot restore, healing the wound you cannot heal. fixing that which you broke and cannot fix is the very purpose of the atonement of Christ..."

                                         Elder Boyd K Packer

    My knives were exceptionally sharp. I was cutting carrots for soup. The tip pierced the skin on my finger. I ignored it until I was doing the dishes in hot water. A sharp throbbing pain brought my hand out of the water to investigate. It was the size of a mustard seed but the skin was gone and it was too sensitive to ignore. For three days I was reminded of the wound. Then on the forth I rubbed gently alongside my finger. A ridge of new skin was tender but now closed. The healing power of the body is simply amazing.

        

   But, some wounds just don't heal. The pain washes over us again and again. We can't let it go and so we bandage. Bandaging protects our hearts from repeating the same mistake but it cannot heal. So, how is it done? How does Christ take our pain? I wish I had the words. His balm spreads relief in every crevasse. The air in his presence allows us to inhale faith. Wth the breath of faith we can exhale hope. He offers us space to abide with him in charity, which is His love and his domain. 

  He holds the scars of his sacrifice but they pain him no longer. They exist to show the length, and breath, and vastness of his love.

                                                     

   I have been writing with the Five Minute Friday Group for two years and I really enjoy the talented writers who share their work. Would you like to join? 

Mindful Monday- Invite The Moment

                                        Carpe Diem

    I wanted to entitle this month's mindfulness pursuit "seize the moment", but seizing sounded too controlling. Really it is about inviting the moment to bloom by giving it full attention. 

   Making art is a portal to inviting the moment. It begins when I look at papers and choose patterns that like being close to each other. With each random tearing, a puzzle emerges where the pieces intertwine and cozy up to each other. There comes a moment when the papers seem balanced and I know to stop.

   It seems that one color rises up to become most important. In this piece the color was called Chipped Sapphire. Using this color so predominately invited a second color to come forth as contrast. The peachy, beige tones harmonized with the patterned paper. By painting a third of the painting with a lighter color I invited serenity.

   Words are usually part of my art. Whether they are hand lettered, stenciled, or stamped, there is beauty in words as well as a message. My eyes just naturally go to words on a painting. They continually remind me and buoy me up.

             Wisdom is a word that swirls around in my head lately. She comes from a quiet place. Therefore choosing to let her speak is important. She will not speak from a reactive place so I try to be grounded. That is hard for me and requires practice. I love that the Old Testament refers to wisdom as a woman. Remember how Solomon knew the heart of the real mother when he suggested cutting the child in half? He was using the feminine intuition from which  wisdom springs. What he suggested was not logical or reasonable but he knew he could appeal to the mother's love and she would give up her child rather than see it come to harm.

"Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of thy mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee; love her, and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding."

                                                               Proverbs 4:5-7 

    This month I am being more mindful of the moment. It is part of my year long exploration of mindfulness. You can read more about my Year of Mindfulness here.

Eight Minute Memoir- Age Eight

                                Do you remember rick-rack?

    All women sewed. At least the women that lived around me. I can still feel the corduroy fabric of my dress and the contrasting rick-rack decoration. My doll often had a similar outfits. Wearing an apron was vital as washing in the the wringer washer was hard work. What I wore on Monday was Tuesday's outfit and if I was careful Wednesday's as well. The aprons were not plain but had piping around the waist and pockets. I was well dressed but not from the store which still seemed acceptable when I was eight. My mother fixed my hair and we had a plethora of bows, barrettes, and headbands. 

    I was a bit spoiled, being the only girl. But I had fears. I was terrified that one day I would be abandoned, left at the grocery store or forgotten at church. No real experience informed my fears yet their grip kept me always planning how to manage on my own. I longed for a sister to share my inner world. For a while I had my niece close by who became my playmate. She was patient with my bossiness.

    My grandmother died a few years later but when I was eight she often stayed overnight with us. I had to give her my room when she stayed and I slept on the couch. The living room faced an apartment house and I did not like looking in other people's windows. When I complained once about my grandmother taking my room she overheard. The next day she gave me five dollars to rent my room. I felt ashamed and sorry for my ungenerous spirit.
   By the time I was eight I could speak German and English. I was reading English and my mother was tutoring me in reading German. The vowel sounds confused me the most. While English had A, E, I, O, U, the German sounds were AH, Eea, Eee, O, Oooh. My little brain would switch the sounds depending on where I was reading. The second grade teacher asked my mother to stop teaching me German reading but she refused. It turned out fine in the end. There would always be a dicotomy between my German home life and the American world outside. But that remains for another story.

I am joining Ann Dee Ellis and other writers in using a prompt                        to record some memoir moments.

Eight Minute Memoir- Birthdays

    Can you celebrate birthdays even after death?

    I have been thinking of my mother a great deal. It is one hundred and six years since she was born. A bracelet I inherited from her has been encircling my arm everyday. From the warmth of my arm and fingers smoothing over the engraved filigree the bracelet is more and more shiny. When your parents are dead their birthdays still stay etched in time. I like to think that they count the years since they came to earth up in heaven, still. 

   My cousin shared a sweet story about my mother with me this week. She met up with her at the 1953 Spring General Conference in Düsseldorf, Germany. My cousin Ruth showed my mother her brand new daughter, born just weeks before. Ruth was in her early twenties and this was her second child. My mother, her aunt, was forty-three and that day she confided in her niece that she was also pregnant. After twelve years, and three boys, she was going to have another baby in October. That was me. I like to think I was a really terrific surprise. 

  I am joining Ann Dee Ellis and other writers in using a prompt                        to record some memoir moments.

The Inner Path

It is not so much what happens in the sitting, it is the wisdom that arises from knowing where my mind and heart are on the inner path.

There is a wisdom that develops when I practise mindfulness meditation. Why just yesterday, I noticed a strong feeling of aversion to doing errands in the car. The constant in and out, standing in line, and making wise decisions about using my money was irritating to me. Because I sometimes feel that irritation while I'm sitting, I noted that this was aversion. Just saying that to myself diffused the feeling. Why? Because taking note of what is going on in the mind brings you into present moment awareness. I checked on my breath and scanned for tense places in my body and regained my composure.

     Walking this inner path has made my prayer life more consistent. I would never think of logging the minutes I spent in prayer, but I do log the minutes I spend in meditation. I log the time to stay accountable for at least 30 minutes a day. So there I am, quiet and ready. When I meditate I feel God's presence. Consequently I turn to Him naturally because I have space for him both physically, in my office, and mentally because I am training my mind to stay in the present moment. I have this notion that He exists in the present moment. The inner path has made the outer path of Christianity more powerful.

"O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road."

                                                         2 Nephi 4:32



                                                     

   I have been writing with the Five Minute Friday Group for two years and I really enjoy the talented writers who share their work. Would you like to join?