Eight Minute Memoir- Age Eight

                                Do you remember rick-rack?

    All women sewed. At least the women that lived around me. I can still feel the corduroy fabric of my dress and the contrasting rick-rack decoration. My doll often had a similar outfits. Wearing an apron was vital as washing in the the wringer washer was hard work. What I wore on Monday was Tuesday's outfit and if I was careful Wednesday's as well. The aprons were not plain but had piping around the waist and pockets. I was well dressed but not from the store which still seemed acceptable when I was eight. My mother fixed my hair and we had a plethora of bows, barrettes, and headbands. 

    I was a bit spoiled, being the only girl. But I had fears. I was terrified that one day I would be abandoned, left at the grocery store or forgotten at church. No real experience informed my fears yet their grip kept me always planning how to manage on my own. I longed for a sister to share my inner world. For a while I had my niece close by who became my playmate. She was patient with my bossiness.

    My grandmother died a few years later but when I was eight she often stayed overnight with us. I had to give her my room when she stayed and I slept on the couch. The living room faced an apartment house and I did not like looking in other people's windows. When I complained once about my grandmother taking my room she overheard. The next day she gave me five dollars to rent my room. I felt ashamed and sorry for my ungenerous spirit.
   By the time I was eight I could speak German and English. I was reading English and my mother was tutoring me in reading German. The vowel sounds confused me the most. While English had A, E, I, O, U, the German sounds were AH, Eea, Eee, O, Oooh. My little brain would switch the sounds depending on where I was reading. The second grade teacher asked my mother to stop teaching me German reading but she refused. It turned out fine in the end. There would always be a dicotomy between my German home life and the American world outside. But that remains for another story.

I am joining Ann Dee Ellis and other writers in using a prompt                        to record some memoir moments.

Eight Minute Memoir- Birthdays

    Can you celebrate birthdays even after death?

    I have been thinking of my mother a great deal. It is one hundred and six years since she was born. A bracelet I inherited from her has been encircling my arm everyday. From the warmth of my arm and fingers smoothing over the engraved filigree the bracelet is more and more shiny. When your parents are dead their birthdays still stay etched in time. I like to think that they count the years since they came to earth up in heaven, still. 

   My cousin shared a sweet story about my mother with me this week. She met up with her at the 1953 Spring General Conference in Düsseldorf, Germany. My cousin Ruth showed my mother her brand new daughter, born just weeks before. Ruth was in her early twenties and this was her second child. My mother, her aunt, was forty-three and that day she confided in her niece that she was also pregnant. After twelve years, and three boys, she was going to have another baby in October. That was me. I like to think I was a really terrific surprise. 

  I am joining Ann Dee Ellis and other writers in using a prompt                        to record some memoir moments.

The Inner Path

It is not so much what happens in the sitting, it is the wisdom that arises from knowing where my mind and heart are on the inner path.

There is a wisdom that develops when I practise mindfulness meditation. Why just yesterday, I noticed a strong feeling of aversion to doing errands in the car. The constant in and out, standing in line, and making wise decisions about using my money was irritating to me. Because I sometimes feel that irritation while I'm sitting, I noted that this was aversion. Just saying that to myself diffused the feeling. Why? Because taking note of what is going on in the mind brings you into present moment awareness. I checked on my breath and scanned for tense places in my body and regained my composure.

     Walking this inner path has made my prayer life more consistent. I would never think of logging the minutes I spent in prayer, but I do log the minutes I spend in meditation. I log the time to stay accountable for at least 30 minutes a day. So there I am, quiet and ready. When I meditate I feel God's presence. Consequently I turn to Him naturally because I have space for him both physically, in my office, and mentally because I am training my mind to stay in the present moment. I have this notion that He exists in the present moment. The inner path has made the outer path of Christianity more powerful.

"O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road."

                                                         2 Nephi 4:32



                                                     

   I have been writing with the Five Minute Friday Group for two years and I really enjoy the talented writers who share their work. Would you like to join? 

Mindful Monday- The Stories of Our Marriage

   This month I set out to become more mindful of my husband and then each Monday write about what I am learning. I knew I was often dismissive of his ideas. I often tune him out which causes him to repeat many stories over and over again because eventually I hear all the parts and recall the whole. These stories are not fiction. They are history lessons and economic lectures which he tells in massive detail. I am a global learner and if I can't see the whole picture quickly I get bogged down by the detail. My goal this month has been to hear him more. I know I can't be perfect but I want to be more present with him.

    Yesterday I watched him dish out food, which he had prepared, around the table of friends. Instead of just bringing dinner he decided we should bring the dinner to their home and eat with them. Our friend was just home from the hospital and they had a kitchen under renovation. I listened as my husband described the ingredients, apologizing for the smallness of the roast. (I purchased the roast for two.) He was enjoying the details of the meal. Our friends saw his service and showed deep appreciation. It was a lovely dinner and we had good conversation, history topics, of course. 
   Being at ease in conversation attracted me to Mark. I was dating his roommate when we met. While my date was studying or talking on the phone, I talked to Mark. He challenged me to think more logically and in more depth. Soon I realized that I was spending more time with Mark than with his roommate. After we got married we often spent the day in long conversations. The children would come and go from our bedroom, asking questions, and complaining that we were still talking. Much of the change I have made in myself came from recalling information from our conversations. He is my anchor and I take him for granted. There is wisdom in my taking more time to be attentive of our relationship. Mindfullness, in general, is making me a better wife, mother and grandmother. 


      This month I am being more mindful of my husband. It is part of my year long exploration of mindfulness. You can read more about my Year of Mindfulness here.

Eight Minute Memoir- Games

                        A Game of Strategy and Skill

     Chinese checkers did not originate in China. It originated from the German game "Stern Halma" in 1892. Stern means star and refers to the layout of the board. My aunt Hanni was a master Halma player. She knew exactly what moves were required to win the game. I played with her often and always lost. Her fingers would pick up the marbles in the most agile way and hover slightly over the hole making me wonder if she was rethinking the move.     Obviously, it was the most fun to play the game with six players but most often my aunt and I played three colors each. In the middle of the game, when all the colors are moving in the middle of the board it is so visually confusing. 

   Later as the players bring their marbles into the opposing triangle the moves are easier to see but by then it is too late to win the game. One must be thinking three or more moves ahead. As a child I thought my aunt was so smart. I channel her spirit when I pull out the game to play with my grandchildren. Right now, I always win but soon I may have serious competition.

      I am joining Ann Dee Ellis and other writers in using a prompt                        to record some memoir moments.

Eight Minute Memoir- Small Things

          Small Things Can Connect Us To The Past

     My mother had very few things that came with her from Germany. Coming by ship gave us a limit to the poundage we could take. She did bring her feather beds which I find amusing. Sleeping accessories were different in the United States. We never used a top sheet because our feather beds had a cover. There were down feather beds for winter and damask comforters for summer. 

     I inherited the pictured bracelet. Mother wore it on Sundays along with a spritz of 4711 Cologne. I can't really tell if it was expensive, but is does need polishing now and then. Tiny, thin flowers with vines are etched into the metal and are worn smooth. When I wear the bracelet I feel dressed up. I was an adult before I realized that my mother was a wee bit vain. She was the only sister who got her hair cut short regularly. Actually, she cut it herself, as she removed the bristly rollers from her hair. She would hold the hair just pulled free from the roller and cut it just a tiny bit. I can see her before my eyes. Feeling the little gold thing on my arm makes that happen.

I am joining Ann Dee Ellis and other writers in using a prompt to record some memoir moments.

Loyal

           Can we really be part of a loyal opposition?

           Every institution made by man is somewhat flawed. It just is that way. Governments, political parties, churches, businesses, committees, families; I could go on. Even when God sanctions and gives his authority to a group, failings of correct action, improper governing, and of character will and always do arise. 

    Can I still be loyal and feel "all in" if I have questions? What if my questions move me to oppose certain decisions? Can I remain loyal if I am in opposition? 

  "Some who use personal reasoning or wisdom to resist prophetic direction give themselves a label borrowed from elected bodies--“the loyal opposition.” However appropriate for a democracy, there is no warrant for this concept in the government of God’s kingdom, where questions are honored but opposition is not"
      Dallin H. Oaks

   I think of Judas who, for whatever reason, made a decision to betray Jesus. Perhaps he believed that Jesus could save himself at the last minute, or perhaps his greed set him against a master who he shared supper with and for whom he pledged loyalty.
  What happens inside us when we move against something we love? I ask questions because the word "loyal" has been diluted in a society where virtues are fewer every year. I believe I am allowed to ask questions. Many of my questions don't receive answers but I burn inside with a faith based not on man but on a God who I have experienced. May I always feel "all in" and loyal to Him and to those humble servants who may stumble along a vulnerable path in mortality but who desire Him more than the good opinion of the world.

I have been writing with the Five Minute Friday Group for two years and I really enjoy the talented writers who share their work. Would you like to join?