Monday, October 12, 2015

Rumbling With Accountability and Perfectionism

           Today is day 12 of the 31 Days of Writing In October

  I am joining Kate Motaung and others who are writing every day in October. My intention is to record my reactions and feelings about Brené Brown's newest book, "Rising Strong". You can find the other posts I have written here.       

     Yesterday I added the barrier of numbing hurt to the group of ways we can off-load emotion. I confessed I was particularly prone to numb my feelings with food. Using accountability can be effective for me to be more mindful of my diet. However, I have been "rumbling" (analyzing and considering) with my resistance to using it. I open the app on my phone to record my intake of food for the day and I feel that sticky, slowing of will power. I resent writing down everything I eat. I want to cheat.


 Today I realized that my aversion to accountability has to do with feeling that unless my accounting is perfect, it is not worth recording. So here I am dealing with perfectionism. Making an accounting is really just marking where we are in our journey. It is helpful if we are honest. Rather than numbing my feeling of inadequacy with food maybe I should sit with the feeling and look at what I am trying to do. Perhaps I could feel grateful that my body can respond to good self-care.


  "Lord, help me do better everyday and always show thee my gratitude for having a body and spirit to integrate with thy will. Help me on my wholehearted journey"

7 comments:

  1. I like your comment that "Making an accounting is really just marking where we are in our journey." It's not always easy to be honest even with ourselves (I can struggle with perfectionism too) but it does help to be honest. Once we see clearly where we are it's easier to see how to move forward.

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    1. I have a whole, new idea about accounting now.

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  2. For years I was all or nothing when it came to eating. If I slipped along the way I just gave up. Why bother would be my thinking. I've worked hard over the last few years to be kinder to myself. It has allowed me to be more successful in the challenge of maintaining my weight.

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  3. Sitting in the discomfort and vulnerability. So hard. Yet so beautiful.

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    1. Christina, I see it as hard but I have not found the beauty, yet.

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  4. I'm funny (funny weird not funny funny, although I do have my moments!)....I run almost every day and love the feeling of being fit but I do, when I'm stressed, immediately turn to certain foods (chocolate, bread, cakes). They don't help (I always feel worse after), making the stress worse. I've been making a conscious effort to avoid this pattern recently, with the thought that I should take care of myself and that my body is sacred (I'm living with a strange mind-body disjunct as a result of the trauma). Since I've consciously been doing this, honoring myself through the good food choices I make, I've been a) less stressed and b) happier and c) with a lot more energy. I can't do accountability through spreadsheets (I'm just not wired that way) but I do need accountability: the simple rule of honoring my body by only letting healthy food in to it has led me to a much better place. Every time I decide what to eat, I ask myself whether it's s good choice....if the answer is no, I don't eat it. That simple question keeps me accountable.

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What do you think?