A Funny Stormy First Draft

"Creating is the act of paying attention to our own experiences and connecting the dots so we can learn more about ourselves and the world around us."

     I became more interested in a creative life while taking an online class from Brené Brown entitled, "The Gifts of Imperfection. "Dr. Brown's research indicated that the wholehearted group had some creative outlet. They danced, played music, wrote. knitted, sewed, painted, not as professionals but as partakers of creation. I leaned towards art. I started out with art journaling and then took classes in intuitive art. I was hooked. Here is an amusing stormy first draft concerning my sharing as an artist. 

                                     

                               I am an artist not an artist

1. My emotions and feelings concerning this story

              "Let's do it again!" inspiration said. "Let's enter another painting in the community art show."

I'm sure I shall surely fail if I do it again. But, it was so fun and interesting.
    On opening night at the gallery I made my husband take me. I wanted to back down and stay home but my painting was there, alone, with many more inspired offerings. She (the painting) needed me to claim her and stand before her.

     2. The reactions my body is having
            

           My body started revving faster as I entered the gallery. The light was blinding and distorted. My painting was not in the first room. I looked without seeing, scanning instead of comprehending. When I came around the wall I saw her (my painting) but I felt I could not approach. I was breathing shallow breaths. I wanted to stay and I wanted to go.

     3. The thoughts that keep going around and around my head

     

        I am a fraud. I draw like a child. No one will like it. I am embarrassed. She (my painting) is inspired. Someone will surely buy her. She is amazing. She is horrible.

    4. The beliefs I have regarding myself
     I am not an artist. But I want to use my creativity. I want to play with paint and papers and ink. I want to improve. I did not pay the price of an art filled life. Art is self- indulgence.  This hobby is not going to last.
      
    5. The actions I have taken  and want to take in regard to my story
          I went back to the gallery the next day. There was only one person there, a gallery volunteer. I carefully looked at each entry, I saw them not as a competitors but as a scared artists just like me. I quickly took a phone photo of my painting while the gallery volunteer wasn't looking. Finally, I spoke to him, "This one is mine. She is entitled "My Home." He smiled. I smiled.
    "Let's do it again", inspiration said.

I am joining Kate Motaung and others who are writing every day in October. My intention is to record my reactions and feelings about Brené Brown's newest book, "Rising Strong". You can find the other posts I have written here.