I am joining Kate Motaung and others who are writing every day in October. My intention is to record my reactions and feelings about Brené Brown's newest book, "Rising Strong". You can find the other posts I have written here.
"Our inner hustlers have very little tolerance for discomfort and self reflection. They deny emotion and hate curiosity."
To review, some ways we guard against feeling emotions are chandeliering emotion, exploding in a rage when we are overcome with feelings, bouncing hurt away with anger, blame and avoidance, and today I want to write about numbing hurt.
Two years ago I read Brené Brown's "The Gift Of Imperfection". A short time later I took an online class based on this book. When we discussed the numbing hurt and emotional pain chapter I felt "guilty as charged". My drug of choice was and still is, food. I've used it all my life. My mother and father commented on my weight constantly and I became inwardly rebellious. No one was going to dictate to me what I could and could not eat. That rebellious nature is still alive and kicking. Whenever I feel pressed, for time, for energy, for money, for connection with others I take refuge in food. And if you add TV, that makes an even better combination. I escape and run away.
Understanding my emotional eating has helped, a tiny bit. But what I feel really sad about is this quote.
"But no matter what we use, we can't selectively numb emotions-when we numb the dark, we also numb the light."
My desire for wholeheartedness means dealing with this way of handling emotion. The only way out is through spiritual healing.
"Nevertheless, not withstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man (woman) that I am! Yea my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of my iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
Awake my soul! No longer droop in sin!
O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robes of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape?"