Is there joy in needing help? If you jump up quickly to help others but abhor the idea of someone helping you, could you actually be judging those that need?
Years ago, married with four children, we faced the untimely demise of our business. It was devastating. Having lost all the invested money from people who trusted us, we faced no income and no job in the foreseeable future. I watched as my strong husband mourned his failure and I was scared and depressed. As my happiness melted away, my body showed signs of shutdown. I ran a low grade fever with no signs of infection. Each day seemed unbelievably slow and full of effort. My heart was breaking. One day a church acquaintance came to visit. The visit was unannounced. I was in a leadership position and she was a woman I served. My husband brought her into my bedroom where I rested. Untidy home, children everywhere, how could he bring her through my house?
We conversed for some time and I felt small and undone. Then she said something I'll never forget.
"This is weird because I can't align the woman running the meeting last week with the person I see today. You are just like me, broken and a mess."
"This is weird because I can't align the woman running the meeting last week with the person I see today. You are just like me, broken and a mess."
At that point she offered to massage my feet and I was too tired to object. A recognition gave over me. The Lord was propping me up even as I was falling apart. Here was a sister who wanted to admire me, who had seen a person buoyed up by the spirit and now recognized my weakness, but served with love as He would if He were here. I was as vulnerable as I could be, yet, there was a wholeness to this experience.
Gabriele, I've been so touched by these two posts of yours (yesterday's and this). Discomfort is one of the front runners of vulnerability and I guess it's only when we can learn to sit with discomfort that we can grow through it. In my personal journey, showing vulnerability, and growing through it, was definitely one of the big lessons He sent me. I've found that being humbled by discomfort is definitely a stepping stone to much greater understanding.
ReplyDeleteI hate discomfort. I don't invite it in to sit awhile. It comes anyway. I ignore it and it puts it's feet up and just stays. It stays until I don't remember it's there.
DeleteAnother really thought-provoking post. I find it much easier to offer help than to accept help, and asking for help is even harder. I hadn't thought about it as judging people I'm helping. I agree though, there is a wholeness in times when we're vulnerable and admit weakness and allow others to help... I think you're making me rumble!
ReplyDeleteCarly, I'm trusting in the curiosity bringing more insight, however discomforting it may be.
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