Saturday, October 17, 2015

Rumbling With Boundaries

   I am joining Kate Motaung and others who are writing every day in October. My intention is to record my reactions and feelings about Brené Brown's newest book, "Rising Strong". You can find the other posts I have written here.     

"Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment."

Just a reminder that a rumble happens inside when we consider, analyze, fight for, fight against, and come to grips with what we truly believe. I will have to say that I am in the middle of the rumble with boundaries. I have made some headway in realizing that the people pleasing must go. People pleasers have few boundaries and if they do have some they tend to move them to accommodate the person they want to please. People pleasers find themselves in situations that are uncomfortable and perhaps in direct conflict with their integrity. Resentment is a frequent bed-fellow. 

"What boundaries need to be in place so that you can stay in your integrity and make generous assumptions about this person's motivation, intention, or behavior?"

    The quote above astounds me. It answers some questions I asked about the ability of Jesus to love and be loved. How was he able to love so openly? In the last few days I have searched for the boundaries that Jesus set which allowed him to stay in his integrity. 

  • He ate healthy foods, got sleep when he needed it, and did a lot of walking (Matt.4:6-7, 26:18,20; John 12:2
  • He sought out the company of good friends (Matt.26:36-38)
  • He withdrew from crowds to have solitude 
  • He seemed to never be in a hurry
  • He didn't give in to his mother and brothers who tried to use their relationship with him to pull him away from the crowd he was ministering to (matt. 12:46-50)
  • He said no to Herod's mocking demand of "Show us a sign that thou art a son of God."
  • He said no to Peter and the disciples who had an inappropriate agenda for Jesus to be a political leader or a military leader instead of a sacrificial lamb.
  • He didn't heal those who were too proud to trust him
I could go on but suffice it to say he had boundaries. As I look at my relationship to my Heavenly Father, to my family, and to the world around me, I want to set appropriate bounds. I would like to please my Heavenly more and stay in integrity with him, first. 
I would like to worry less about pleasing my family and more about loving them. I would like to interact with others, not because I should, but because I want to. The rumble will continue as I consider the question above which Brené asks. is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading!     


  1. Wow, what a great post, Gabriele. Your application of boundaries shown in the life of Jesus is very helpful. And you are brave to share the areas that are struggles for you. I like how you said you want to focus on loving your family more than pleasing them. All of these words I needed to hear. Thank yo.

  2. Boundaries are something I've been thinking about as well lately so this is really helpful. I liked how you picked out examples of where Jesus set boundaries- also how you identify that boundaries can get rid of resentment because we do things because we want to, not because we feel obliged.

  3. Very interesting post, Gabriele. Issues I struggle with: was especially struck by your line about pleasing vs. loving family. Think I'll be coming back to this post over the next few days as I process it. (Thank you for identifying the boundaries Jesus set; the lessons we can learn from Him are boundless)


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