Day 5-
Under Stress
When under difficult stress
My mind seeks a safe place to rest
Instead of remembering more
It invariably remembers less.
I've been listening to the audio file of my first visit with the surgeon. By the way, I recommend recording your visits with the specialists. Even when you have someone with you, being able later to listen again is so very helpful.
Our repartee back and forth was very amusing. Obviously I was filtering most of his information because the recording was so witty and light. Making jokes is a defensive tactic I used to diffuse my fears. As he showed me the results of each diagnostic test the only fact to stay with me was his proclamation that I had an "ugly" cancer.
"Each of the cancer cells has an accelerator which wants to replicate. These cells grow fast and in an uncontrolled way. This accelerator is called Her2/Neu Positive."
Then he gave me some options. I could choose a full mastectomy which would entail less treatment later or I could do breast conserving surgery called a Lumpectomy which was less invasive and would require radiation and possible chemo therapy. Chemo was unlikely in his opinion. I heard these words but entirely missed the next statement.
"There's what we know from the clinical tests, what we will know during surgery, and what we will learn from the pathology report after surgery. As we gather information the pathway to recovery could change."
Later on down the path, when chemo therapy became the reality, I felt a little betrayed by the surgeon. In truth I didn't understand that each specialist would see my situation from a different point of view.
I needed to remember to let things unfold.
I chose the Lumpectomy and surgery was scheduled the day after Christmas. But first I needed to get an MRI so that the surgeon would have one more set of facts to guide his decisions.
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