The MRI Endurance Test

Day 6-

Endurance is patience concentrated.

― Thomas Carlyle

The breast MRI was one of those weird, other worldly cancer events. I knew I would have to lay still in an enclosed space. I prepared by practicing breathing, counting the inhales and the exhales. The machine was big and took several technicians to service. I was on my stomach while the imaging happened under me. A small ball was placed close to my hands. This ball was for emergency only. If I must stop the test, the ball would send a signal to them that I was in distress. The message was clear, don't stop the test because that would prolong the inevitable.

The MRI

  My face is pressed into the head rest.

  My hand lightly surrounds a little ball,

  I must not move, that is the real test.

  I want to squeeze, to end the retched brawl.

  Concentrate on the pitch of the machine

  It pulses, it screams, it sounds like middle D

  For twenty two minutes I brave this scene 

  At last I slide out and now I'm finally free.

When I came out of the machine and crawled off the table, I looked around at the technicians hoping someone would acknowledge this successful end. They were all busy. So I surprised myself and announced rather loudly, 

"I did it! Good on me!"

So many things about this cancer journey are a test in endurance. It's tempting to leave the body and just go elsewhere with the mind. But, it isn't the best alternative. One way for me to keep my mind connected to my body was to stay curious about what was happening. What am I hearing? What am I seeing? Who are the people around me? 

Oddly, I listened to the sound of the MRI machine, which was really LOUD, and tried to figure out the pitch of the mechanized scream. I knew I could hear middle C in my mind, so out loud I sang the next tone and matched the machine sound to a D, two octaves above middle C. This made the experience feel integrated with the present and kept me more at peace in the moment. 

I carry this lesson with me, even now.

Go To Day Seven

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